How The NAR Movement Almost Killed My Son- Part 4

The title is extreme.  Or is it?  You can decide...

I've waited to write this post because I wanted it to be as accurate as possible because I wanted Chaz's input.  He has been through so much and I know it was a nightmare for him.  How he made it through is by the grace of God.

If you haven't read the previous blog posts you can read them here:

Part 1- My Uneasy Experience at House Fire Ministries

Part 2- What Happened After We Left House Fire Ministries?

Part 3- How The New Apostolic Movement Affected My Son

Chaz in Guatemala 2 years prior.  Completely healthy.

The night we were at House Fire Ministries my son asked God to open his eyes as to what he may have gotten himself involved in.  He turned around and saw a huge demon hovering over the building.  When I came to check on Chaz I could tell something was wrong but later he told me what he saw.  This is when I decided I was going to do my own research.  I also prayed and asked God to open my eyes.  Did I have things in the house that didn't belong?  Did I have people in my life that are involved in some really bad stuff?  I asked God and He answered.  I began to look at preachers I was listening to online, reading on facebook, and movies I was watching.  Little did I know that I had completely become saturated in my thinking and beliefs by people in the New Apostolic Reformation Movement.  But that's gonna be saved for another post.  

Chaz paralyzed. We couldn't see but
he was pinned down by something

To my horror, I began to watch my son decline before my eyes.  He wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, and he had horrendous panic attacks.  I was about to go on a missionary trip to Guatemala and Chaz's ticket was completely paid for.  $1,700 per person.  In fact, he was the first person I made sure was covered because he absolutely loves missions and he had gone before.  I was also taking 5 other teens and kids in my family.  I contacted Mike from The Arizona Deliverance Center and asked his opinion if I should take Chaz on the Guatemala trip and he said NO.  Chaz had opened himself up to something and whatever it was, it was tormenting him physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

After the night of the impartation by Nathan Morris at Fresh Start Church, Chaz was not only able to form a fireball of sorts in his hands, he was now hearing voices that were NOT from God.  Even more, he began to see demons. I mean, straight up terrifying demons.  They talked to him, tormented his thoughts and visually scared him very bad.  Chaz told me that he felt he was about to have a breakdown.  Hmmmm, how serious was he about this?  I could see on his face that sweet, kind Chaz wasn't kidding.  The part that breaks my heart the most is that he was sleeping alone and I had NO idea must HOW badly he was tormented.  

At this point Chaz was sleeping 2 hours a night.  The day we were packing to head to Guatemala for 8 days, we went ahead and packed Chaz's stuff.  However, while I was packing in my room in the middle of the night, I came back an hour later to talk to Chaz.  He was laying in his bed with the most terrifying look in his eyes and staring straight upwards.  I walked in and asked him what was wrong. He had very shallow breathing, his face was gaunt, and he was frozen.  He couldn't answer me and I began to panic.  Finally he whispered to me that he was being choked and if I hadn't walked in he may have died.  I believed it because his face was white and I had never seen him looking like that before.

I thought Chaz was in severe danger and I grabbed him to rush to the hospital.  Right then and there I not only canceled him going on the trip, but since I had only an hour till I had to leave for the place, I was gonna cancel my trip as well.  Chaz began to cry because he wanted to go to Guatemala SO BAD.  My husband recognized it was a severe panic attack and helped him calm down.  Chaz was seeing so many demons that it was literally traumatizing him and he began to spiral faster than we could figure out how to help.  I had figured out we had gotten involved in some bad stuff with the impartations and we all had already repented and renounced our involvement.  But Chaz wasn't being left alone.  

The day before Guatemala Chaz was excited and packed

Chaz came with us to the airport to see us off to Guatemala and we heartbreakingly left him behind.  My heart broke as my plane pulled away from my son but I knew he was in great care with his dad.  I sobbed all the way through take off as the plane took me further and further away from him.  I needed to be with my kids on the mission trip but I knew Chaz also needed me.  It hurt so bad to leave the one teen who's heart has always been for missions.  

As soon as I got to the place we were staying at in a different country I called my husband.  I called every night to get a report after spending an exhausting day outreaching, praying for people, and giving out food. When I called every night Charles told me Chaz was sleeping in the room with him and sobbing and sobbing. He basically was immovable like he was a paraplegic,  He could not care for himself at all and Charles had to spoon feed him.  At one point Charles took him to the deliverance center, they prayed for him, and Chaz did well for a few days.  In fact, he was able to walk and feed himself.  Slowly as each day went on, he was bed ridden again.

When I got back from the trip I immediately took Chaz to see his primary doctor.  She put him on Zoloft for anxiety and I was excited to at least watch him slowly come back to normal.  At least I thought.  There is just one problem.  There is a 5% chance that Zoloft can push people into phychosis.  Chaz was that small percentage.

The night before being admitted

Chaz not only was being spoon fed, he was choking on his food. I was feeding him noodles and it should have been easy for him to eat.  He couldn't even eat that.  I looked at his skinny frame and gaunt face and knew it was time to take him to the hospital.  I scooped him up since he was basically too stiff to move.  I raced him to the Phoenix Children's Hospital and had him seen by the ER.  They knew he needed to be admitted.  His weight had gone from a 55 percentile down to 2.  TWO percentile.  He was crying and grabbing his throat and was having to use a wheelchair.  I was relieved Chaz was at least going to get a feeding tube if needed.  I showed the doctors Chaz's meds which was Zoloft.  I had not figured out yet that the meds were about to take him from panic attacks to full on psychosis.  Once admitted, it went downhill even more.

The staff at Phoenix Children's said that the Zoloft isn't working so they wanted to double it.  At that point I decided to look up Zoloft and saw that Chaz had every single adverse reaction listed as a warning on their site.  I showed the doctor there and not only did he ignore me, he mentioned doubling it and added Chlonodine.  Within a couple days of being admitted, which I hoped was to get a feeding tube and at least keep him alive, he was manic.  

By now, Chaz was talking to things we couldn't see, his hallucinations were out of control.  He could feel things touching him all over his body and felt things wrapping around his legs and hips.  It would squeeze TIGHT anytime Chaz mentioned scripture.  At night Chaz would scream and scream.  He was so starving and so hungry but couldn't eat.  I begged for a feeding tube if we couldn't get him to eat.  But his psychosis became so severe that he could hardly be managed by staff.  At one point Chaz kicked me out of his room.  He was tormented in the shower, in the bathroom, in his bed, and in his sleep.  I would take care of the kids in the day at home and sit by Chaz's side at night in the hospital.  

By the time Chaz was in the hospital for a week he was so bad that he couldn't sleep and was begging for no-one to touch him.  The worst night made me sob was when he was dark in the room and his body was being squeezed so tightly that he screamed and screamed.  He couldn't even use the restroom and lost it all.  That was the night that I felt I was losing him.  The staff and everyone was at a loss and no one would listen to me that that Zoloft was making things a thousand times worse.  When Chaz finally fell asleep peacefully early morning, I was so relieved he made it.  But inside I was grieving.  

The morning he woke up at peace

The next morning Chaz woke up with the most peaceful look on his face.  He was smiling and asked if he could talk to me about something that happened.  He said he met God the night before.  God gave him a choice to go with Him or stay with family.  Chaz said it was so peaceful and he wanted to go with God.  However, he chose to stay with family and made his choice clear.  Just looking at Chaz and the peace on his face, I knew he meant every word.  The night before I was grieving because I felt that Chaz was dying.  I held Chaz's hand in relief that he was still with me.  I love him so much.  My heart hurt so bad but I always tried to stay strong and not show my sadness.  This peaceful state was only for a short time.

At one point was Chaz was manic and pacing, he stopped suddenly, walked over to me and looked into my eyes.  With a very heartfelt voice he asked me, "Mom, why do you have so much grief and sorrow?"  My eyes began to tear as I stared back into his eyes.  I gulped and willed my tears to go back and replied, "I'm okay, Chaz."  Nothing hurts worse that watching your own child suffer.

Since Chaz was 18 I was not allowed to force the doctors to take him off of the Zoloft medication.  I began to pray and ask God to let Chaz have a clear enough moment for me to sign a medical power of attorney.  The nurses assured me that if I had this, I can have him taken on the very meds that were hurting him.  By this time Chaz was completely manic and I rarely saw a clear moment.  One time as I sat next to him, he had obvious clarity.  It was the morning he woke up and said he had met God. I begged the nurse to run and get the papers for Chaz to sign and a notary.  Within 15 minutes they came and Chaz signed. I felt like falling to the floor in relief and was so grateful because from that point on, Chaz was never as clear minded as that.  

As soon as I brought the papers to the doctor he said, "It's no longer a medical thing but a mental thing. The papers mean nothing."  I was floored!  I felt defeated and lost.  My son, the boy cared for from birth and the one I fought for in every situation now was in a situation where I couldn't protect him.  Not even he had a chance to fight for himself because his brain was held captive by meds that messed with his mind and other things that were even beyond that.  

Chaz on floor in bathroom.

It's never fun to watch staff rush to your son and hold him down with a shot to put him to sleep.  This began to happen night after night as he was lost further and further into psychosis.  He was NOT the boy I brought into the hospital initially.  Each morning, around 5am I'd leave the hospital in defeat.  I'd hug him goodbye, walk tiredly to the elevator, and along the the long white hallway to the exit.  As soon as I got into my large 15 passenger van I'd weep for my son.

One day I came back to see Chaz and his bed was empty.  New white sheets, fresh towels, blankets.  No Chaz. I had no idea where Phoenix Children's had sent him and went into full blown panic in my heart.  Where was my son?  I yelled over the phone to the nurse and she said he had been escorted BY POLICE to a phychiatric facility somewhere in Arizona.  I waited impatiently by my phone to find out where.  I didn't care what time it was, where it was, or if they'd let me in to see him.  I'd do anything to be as close to him as I could get.

How did we get from a bible study, to an impartation, to seeing and hearing demons, to seeking out meds for anxiety, to full blown psychosis, and now a police escort away from a hospital?  This was a nightmare I wish I had never gotten myself or my family into. 

I had located where they placed Chaz and frantically got in my van in the middle of the night and started driving....

2nd Day in Guatemala- Kids N Missions

When we woke up in the morning, I grabbed my coffee, raced to to terrace and got my first amazing look at the active volcano I had heard so much about.  I took a glimpse the night before but it's so much clearer in the morning since that's the time there are less clouds.

Full album of our second day in Guatemala

The left hill is the volcano

I'm only using cell phone pictures while I'm in Guatemala so these are the best it's gonna get.  :(  But that's okay!  I'm grateful for the tools I had.  There are 3 volcanos here but this is the only active one.

When we first got there, there was a celebration of some sorts and fireworks would pop off at random all day long and even throughout the night.  It was crazy and so loud you'd jump every time.  It was very hard to get used to but eventually we did.  Haha. I almost spilled my coffee several times.

Making our peanut butter & jelly sandwiches for the road

The itinerary was full and we needed our rest for long days ahead. But oh, were we in for a culture shock, at least for us newbies.  We woke up, prayed and read our bibles alone in the quiet, ate breakfast (Keto had to go out the window because you're grateful for what food you're given), pack our own lunch.  We had to bring with us our own peanut butter and jelly and they provided the bread. We weren't gonna be eating anywhere in Guatemala or drinking the water there. Every day for lunch we had to make our own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Grab a small bag of chips and a dessert of some sort.  We were to fill up our water bottles from blue bins only provided on site. 

Blue bins filled with filtered water

We headed out at 8:45am to the national hospital.  No camera were allowed inside of course and the women and men split up for different purposes there.  Us woman went in first and we brought new baby blankets for the maternity ward.  I took a picture of the outside and then put my camera away so I'll have to explain in words what I saw.

National Hospital in Guatemala

When I walked inside I saw a large group of people waiting to be seen. There you can be seen for free but can only get medicine if you have the money to buy it.  For some people, either they don't have the money or they chose not to eat that day, or a few days, in order to buy it.  We headed toward the maternity ward and were told there were over 70 babies.  The hospital was not very clean and we had to bring our own toilet paper in our backpacks to use the dirty restrooms.  Most places don't provide it or you have to pay to get some.  We carried everything we needed for our trip for the day in our backpacks including lots of sanitizer.  This was ESSENTIAL.  

Baby blankets we offered the women

Carrying the blankets into the hospital

Anyway, as I walked past the large groups of people into the maternity ward I saw that the hallway was lined with beds.  Metal beds with a a thin cushion.  No pillows and no blankets. Women were on these beds with no babies.  There were rooms you could go into with more woman.  We saw some sweet little babies and their mamas.  We separated into small groups and were told to pray and offer baby blankets.  Each of our groups had an interpreter.  I was assigned to the ladies in the hallway. As we went to each woman and prayed for them, I began to realize these are the women who lost their babies. As I prayed with each one, the precious women would cry and cling to a baby blanket we offered them.  They wanted one to remember their baby by.  One lady fell onto her face, cried, and sobbed into the baby blanket.  We went to woman after woman after woman.  offered prayer, hugs, and a blanket.  Some women didn't want the blanket.  Once we got to the last lady and she shared that she lost her baby, I sobbed. I was soooo embarrassed that I couldn't hold it together anymore.  So much loss in one maternity ward.  

Our girls group outside the hospital

After we exited we waited outside and let the men in our group go in.  I took this time to look around and soak the culture in.  Why had so many women lost their babies?  Was it the lack of nutrition?  The fact that 50% opt to have c-sections?  Was it because there was no prenatal care?  Sanitary conditions?  I don't know.  :(

After we prayed and visited women in maternity ward

This was our first place to visit and it knocked me out emotionally but it was time to move forward.  We hopped on our bus and headed to a school called Alotenango Association of Children Primary grades with 50 bags of rice and pencils for the kids.

My daughter Ashley and I

This was a first school and our first experience of handing out rice.  In the morning we would grab the amount of rice we needed.  These packs could each hold 24 bags of rice.  We would grab a couple and load up on the bus before heading out. 

Ivy and Kyle

Ashley

Ivy bring the candy and pencils

Pastor Bill (left) helping load up rice on bus

The kids here come from very poor homes and I believe these kids are sponsored to come.  Every place we went we did dramas, skits, told our story, and passed out rice, pencils, and candy.  We would always go around praying for anyone that wanted prayer and salvation.

Who wants to play a game?

Ivy in funny skit

Ivy

Kyle

Prayer time

Drama

Adriana in the center overlooking on steps

After we were done the kids lined up for new pencils and candy.  They were soooooo happy!  Can you believe it?  For a pencil and candy. Wow.

I'm not used to just randomly going up to kids or people and asking if they want prayer so this was a very, very good learning curve for me.  The good kind of character stretching!

Ivy enjoying the rest

After this we headed out for our lunch break.  Wow, that's a story in of itself.  Everyone we went was.  We had a beautiful view as we ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  From what I overheard, we were overlooking an inactive volcano and a pueblo (community) that once had a major mudslide and killed people.  Very sad. :(  I also noticed that there were lots of littered roads because people would throw their trash wherever they felt like.  Such beautiful scenery littered with garbage.  

Kyle

Our youth pastor standing

After our lunch break we headed out to a neighborhood which is called a pueblo.  This time we passed out flyers and shouted on bullhorns for people to hear that we had dramas, skits, stories, and rice for people.  

Pastor Bill inviting a girl to the event

Ashley

Gail, Ivy, and Pastor Bill

Josh and Doug handing out 300 bags of rice

Line we formed to hadn't out rice and having people pass through the middle

Our last outreach of the day was at Park of San Antonio where we were to do all the same stuff and give out another 300 bags of rice.  By now we were getting a bit hungry for dinner and tired but it's okay because it was so worth it!  

This is actually right below we were staying and this catholic church is the view you see in other photos.  We went down during a festival time and did dramas, skits, testimonies, salvation prayer, and going around praying for people.  Then rice again.  People LINE UP in long lines to get 2 bags of rice. Wow.  I have rice back home in my panty and it's usually last on my list of things to make.  This is a staple for them and they were so grateful.

It was pretty neat to see my little girl praying for grown women.  Wow!  

Ashley praying for a woman

I was really proud of my 5 kids I brought that didn't complain, did the work over and over again no matter how they felt or how tired they were.  

Kaylene and Kayla

We were done for the day so we headed to a very yummy ice scream shop before dinner time. What a treat and so much cheaper than America's ice scream.  Just as good too!

Youth Pastor Austin and Gail (Kids N Missions)

View from ice scream shop and 2 minutes from our facility

A pharmacy there.  Most shops had bars

We headed back and had a delicious dinner prepared for us by staff at Kids N Missions.  I could't help but remember that we had just handed out 650 bags of rice and for some, this is all the dinner they'd have.  I was having a wonderful meal with good nutrition.  

Playing Phase 10

While everyone stayed up and played cards after dinner, I took my shower and went right to bed.  We were exhausted and I didn't want to be tired for the next day.

Ivy and I on our top bunks

Goodnight!