Friday, October 7, 2022

Dangers of Foster Care

 Not enough people talk about this.... but I want to. I think it's important that kids in foster care are given a home but this foster care is like an onion.  On the outside it just looks perfect and smooth, right?  However, as you peel and get further into it, it can start to burn, cause tears, and the deeper you get, you wonder if the pain was worth it.  Let me explain.

1. You have to hope and pray that a DCS (or CPS) worker is honest about the background of the child.

Does the child have background of sexual behaviors towards other children? In our case we were lied to with one of the boys.  We were told that the boy that we had to have removed before was doing AMAZING now and very little behavior problems.  We had this boy before for 3 months and it was the hardest 3 months of my life.  He has severe trauma issues and we were literally afraid he'd stab us in our sleep.  This time, we thought we'd give him a chance. Nothing had changed.  In fact, he had hurt kids before entering our home and it was written that he had in fact acted out sexually.  Do you think that information is important before placing him with a family?  ABSOLUTELY.  We had him removed as soon as we saw the same behaviors returning and he was definitely hunting a next victim.  Did we quit on him? Not at all.  I spoke to him on a weekly basis.  Turns out, he committed a few more crimes and had to spend time in a detention center and receive lots of trauma help.  They finally admitted that he can't be placed with any families at all with kids.  Sometimes DCS honestly just doesn't have enough information and it's not intentional.

2. Teens are a thousand times harder to take in than little kids or babies. 

You have about a 15% chance, maybe 25% (in some cases) of really making an impact and changing their course.  It depends on what we're talking about.  My adopted daughter is alive.  Yes. She used to drink and do drugs like there was no tomorrow.  For some of her friends, they are 6 feet under for that reason.  She's alive and if that is the only positive I got from it, then it was worth it. 

Teens are very, very deadset in their ways and be prepared to be compared to their mom who let them do anything they wanted, stole for them, taught them out to steal, put them in danger, let strange men in their home, in their beds, and allowed them to see sexual encounters.  Yes, you will compared because you'll be too strict, too controlling, and too caring. This is how they see it because they were allowed to be their own parent for too long.  They don't see it as you loving and caring for them.  They see it as an unloving act.  This was very hard for me to accept.   The pain is real.  Shockingly enough, as soon as they were old enough to move out they went straight back to mom, to their abuser, and even excused it. 

3. Be Prepared to receive threats from the biofamily

We got letters and phone calls, even texts, from bio mom with threats, anger, getting cussed out, and still be expected to do visits and keep the peace.  Sometimes, they will facilitate the visit and it truly helps, but bio family can easily get your number from their kids.  I actually know the family so they already knew my info.  But DCS is there to protect the family, not you. That's what your foster agency is for.  To protect you.  

4. Know that DCS is absolutely NOT on your side.

Never give up any information voluntarily.  You're not hiding anything.  It's just they can use anything against you.  They will pretend to be your friend to get you to talk. Don't get me wrong.  Sometimes there truly are amazing agents.  But they can be few and hard to find.  Sometimes you won't know till it's too late that you have a bad one. I absolutely love kids and loved taking care of them, but this was a hard fact I learned.  Their job is to protect the child and the biofamily.

5. Your life will be consumed with appointments

Oh man, that's an understatement.  I pretty much gave up all my freedom for CFT's, therapies, DCS visits to our house, visits with mom (if they weren't being facilitated by DCS), and visits from your foster agency.  Your home is no longer your sanctuary. It was grand central station and this can be very, very hard on the bio family. I still have PTSD from just the doorbell ringing randomly. This doesn't include the 6 hours a year needed for added training.  If a foster child accuses you of anything and even if it's a lie, you can be sent to more classes. This happened to us and it was very stressful.  When they didn't get their way, it was simple, just spread a rumor or lie to get DCS to go after the family and scare them.  It's very affective.  Can you blame DCS though?  They have to be vigilant to make sure the kid is safe. 

6. You can be falsely accused of abuse

This is very scary.  We had a foster daughter who was mad at her uncle who she had been placed with before.  She wasn't getting her way so she threatened to falsely report that he sexually touched her.  Did she care that it would ruin his life?  Nope.  She was mad and was used to her mom giving her whatever she wanted because of fits.  I have a friend who's husband was falsely accused and he was put in the slammer for 2 years.  The kid later admitted they were just mad.  Not only can DCS remove that kid, but they can remove all your kids. 

7. Foster kids will project behaviors onto your kids

Be prepared to watch your bio kids change.  I watched my kids go from innocent kids with innocent thinking... to being introduced to vaping, cursing, perversion, and told everything they need to know about sex and beyond.  It's not a joke.  Your kids become who they hang around. My foster daughter clung to my teen son and absolutely had a negative impact on him.  I saw his behavior go downhill once she decided he was a good talking buddy.  My son has a very good heart and loves people so I know he had good intentions.  He wanted to give her a listening ear.  But the bible is absolutely right that we become who we hang around.  He was not the only one influenced and I saw major behavior changes that to this day I have not been able to reverse.

8. DCS doesn't care what your biblical beliefs are

If your foster teen says they are gay, you have to adhere to it.  If they say they are Catholic and you never want to step foot in a Catholic church, you have to help them get there.  Satanists?  Yep.  You cannot discriminate.  Unfortunately, I had an incident where I found a nude photo from a grown woman given to my underage adopted daughter. I asked that older woman to take a break while I figure out what he heck is going on, and my adopted daughter ran away.  On top of it, lied and said I kicked her out for being gay.  No. I was not okay that a woman that I allowed into my home and actually been hunting my daughter since she was 16 and they actually were doing things together.  That is NOT okay.  Let's put my religious beliefs aside, when is it ever okay for an adult to hunt a minor? Why is a nude photo hanging up nearby my other minor daughter?  The mom that took my adopted daughter to her house truly thought I had kicked out a minor and felt she was rescuing her.  Guess what?  She allowed this older woman to come and hang out and take her out.  DCS may not have allowed that and would have went after her, but they would have allowed many, many other things.  Including, providing birth control to your underage foster kids.

9. You will put much more time into foster kids than your own

I remember having so many appointments and having so many issues that many times I had to neglect my biochildren.  Other people even saw the favoritism but I didn't have a choice. Their behaviors commanded so much attention that I found it hard at the end of the day to even see if my own kids are okay.  This caused a lot of resentment from my kids, and I saw them grow quiet over time because they felt they weren't listened to. Which kids always get the most attention? The naughty kids.  Kids that are well behaved tend to fall by the wayside and can grow sad and resentful.  I saw this happen to a few of my kids and I'm still working to this day to help heal what was lost. To this day my adopted girls will say I play favorites which is sad because I lost so much time with the other kids in order to keep them happy.  They were used to demanding attention before.  I wished I fixed this issue earlier rather than later.  Every kid deserves your time.

10. You will rarely get a thank you

After my adopted daughters left, they left with a BANG.  They tend to have tunnel vision and see things from only their view and how they molded the stories to fit the agenda.  I truly think this just comes from years and years of learned manipulation from learned behavior.  This is something I really hope they fix throughout the years because it can hurt a lot of relationships and future marriage. There was no thank you.  Nothing.  I had given 5 years of time, tears, and love. But was left with rumors that were spread and crazy stories circulating about our home life.  Don't think that it's like the movies.  They don't move out, hug, thank you, and then tell stories of their life.  In fact, I'm convinced that half the stories I hear of a horrible adoptive family, it was spread from foster/adopted kids that have unhealed trauma. I've lost friends over lies from kids who left and it HURTS because I truly loved these kids.

In hopes to show you the dangers in order to spare your family from pain, let me share this...

While helping kids with their trauma, I developed my own and now have to get help of my own.  Look it up.  It's a common end.  I just want people to know the possible consequences. However, NOW I realize why people take in babies and toddlers.  That long list I just gave?  It would have been very, very small.  They can't influence your kids, spread lies, or leave in anger, and you will never be falsely accused unless it comes from the biomom.  My dream since I was a little girl was to work in an orphanage. I realize we don't have those in America so I went towards foster care.  I can tell you that I will never, ever, ever do it again unless my kids are grown. I must say, I have two amazing adopted sons still with us and I love them like crazy. We had a blast traveling this summer and look forward to the future.  :)

Please, please count all the costs before going forward as I only gave a small glimpse.  If you have any questions, please leave a comment.  

Selling Our Beautiful 7 Bedroom House and Moving On

After much, much thought... we sold our 7 bedroom house. Yes, it was a BEAUTIFUL house.  However, I had so many negative memories there.  So much had happened in the 2 1/2 years that we lived there.  I can't list them all but some of the "highlights" are my son's illness and psychosis, flooding, my adopted kids freaking out and leaving, my husband and I getting Covid there, lock down, and so, so, so much more.  My memories are so foggy and I used to remember it all.  Some, I CAN'T mention.  We had a foster son there that was considered a level 4.  Very high needs from so many negative behaviors.  He was very abusive and had to be removed.  He's literally not allowed to live at regular homes anymore for safety reasons.  

I'm currently working with a Christian therapist that specializes in trauma and ptsd.  She's been helping me understand the brain. This video really helped me understand it.  

We had 16 kids in our beautiful home and we absolutely had a blast.  Until Covid hit.  I don't know if it was stress.  I know the 2 girls that attended public school (which was terrible for them), absolutely hated learning from home.

Through all of this my oldest son went into psychosis, had terrible doctors that took advantage of him, and we were in for the fight of our life.  

I think sharing this here and documenting what I can, may help me to process it all.  It's a very long story.

Monday, February 21, 2022

Family Updates from a Large Family Mom

 It has been so incredibly long since I have written on here after my story about Chaz and NAR.  It's so long and so expansive, I could never do it in one blog post.  For the sake of my sanity and to keep the joy, for today I just want to update some things on my family.

Oh, how I miss blogging.  It was like my own personal journal and it never mattered to me if anyone read it.  It was precious.  I also learned that putting it down on paper or in a journal, takes the burden off the mind.

My oldest Chaz is in his right mind, loves God, is 21, and I can't even begin to express my thankfulness to God for bringing him back.

Ryan moved out of town and is learning carpentry and handyman skills with a friend we love and trust.  Ryan has a HUGE heart and I can't wait till he finds a partner who'll truly appreciate how amazing he is. He is gonna be an awesome father and husband.

Adrianna moved out and is in college.  I think she's searching right now for answers and I pray she finds it.  (Hint: the answer is in His Word.) I pray that God will clear the confusion from her mind.  No man can ever NOT hurt us.  Eventually, humans fail. At that point, I pray she looks to her Father in heaven for comfort.  :)  

Kyle moved out and went to some shady friend's home.  A home that does not serve God in any way shape or form. We have been praying He doesn't feel he fits in.  He doesn't.  He's a gentleman and we raised him to love the Lord.  The world gives sooo many promises but in the end, they lead to sooo much destruction.  Kyle is an amazing son, he just doesn't fit in there.  But you know, the bible doesn't lie. You will become who you hang around.

My daughter Kaylene is such a sweetheart but has chosen a path that is so lost and it leads to death.  It's broken my heart but we love her and pray God will convict her heart and bring her back to sanity.  

Ivy is doing amazing in her private school.  So much so that she flew through two grades in one year.  She is also taking college classes at the same time.  She is so soft spoken but determined.  

Gabriel is working and he couldn't wait to be old enough to work!  He counted down the days and never complains about working long hours.  I love his worth ethic.

Ashley is hitting those teen years and I thought maybe she would skip those snarling teen years but she's just really begun at 14.  Sometimes I miss that sweet girlish laugh and those giggles.  :)  She's happy but just with a little bit of an eye roll.

Josh all of a sudden sprouted up at almost 13.  He used to hold onto his babyness for sooooo long but one year he decided he was a man!  Haha.  He loves to do projects and carpentry.

Caleb loves carpentry too!  His buddy and big brother Ryan came for a whole week and Caleb stayed by his side almost the whole time.  He is a total sweetheart and tends to hold things in like his big brother.  They make the perfect buddy pair.

Juliet is almost 10 and very shy.  She loves gymnastics and is super tiny for her age!  She's adorable and soooo sweet to everyone around her.

Jaxon is so much like his buddy and big brother Kyle.  Lots of sass in his tiny 6 year old body.  If I am careful, I pray that his stubbornness will be used for good.

Shayla is my strawberry blonde fireball who refuses to potty train and grow up.  Like Juliet, I have to run around and find her to see what trouble she's getting into.  

Serenity is my baby that's almost one.  I'm thinking this is my last baby blessing. Her blonde and very straight hair, with her toothy giggles is so much fun.  

I'm 42 now and hoping I can one day move into a smaller home and not live in a 7 bedroom forever.  Haha.  Charles and I desire to downgrade and live a bit simpler once the kids are raised.  This home would just remind is of how empty it is.  I missed my kids that moved out so much but I know it's a part of life.  

Thursday, October 3, 2019

Large Family Laundry Problems

Guess what?  I created my blog to be a family blog about managing a large family.  So enough of the crazy false doctrine stuff.  

Not everyone in the pic but us having dinner together

What's crazy is a large family laundry problem.  We actually have a schedule of who does laundry on what day.  It goes something like this.

Sunday: Kaylene & Joshua
Monday: Chaz & Ashley
Tuesday: Ryan & Caleb
Wednesday: Charles, Virginia, Shayla
Thursday: Kyle & Jaxon
Friday: Ivy & Juliet
Saturday: Adriana & Gabriel

Why do we do a laundry schedule?  Well, it eliminates fighting over the machine from kids procrastinating and doing their laundry the last possible minute.  Many times I've seen this and almost always they do it late at night the night before school and on someone else's laundry day.

The second problem that comes with a large family and laundry is someone will come along, open the dryer to transfer their wet clothes, dump whoever's clothes are in it to put their stuff in.  Then no one comes to claim this. After a few days, this is what you get...

As you can see by the picture, if 15 people do this, this is what comes of it quickly.  Well, after a month of asking people to look for their clothes and claim it no one responded.  So I took care of it like a laundry hitman... 

Boom.  That's how it's done.  Someone else got blessed by it and no, I'm not replacing it.  Obviously, if they didn't want to come and get it they didn't need it.  It's a win-win for me because we decluttered.  After I took that picture I added 3 more bags.  Those are 39 gallon bags!

What's the big deal about kids doing laundry on days they aren't assigned if no one is using the machines?  All of the above.  If I have the kids wait and only do it on their day, I can easily know who left their stuff in there so they can clean it up.  I'm trying to not have to clean up after the kids own messes.  I don't think I'm helping them in life by rescuing them in taking care of themselves.  No kids do their own laundry under the age of 10.  If they are under 10, their assigned buddy does it for them and it shows in the laundry schedule.  Kyle & Jaxon are buddies and Ivy & Juliet are buddies.  ;)

Saturday, September 21, 2019

Why Do Christians Still Seek Signs and Wonders?

Wow, I just want to say I'm amazed by the response I've gotten since writing about out involvement with the NAR movement.  If you haven't read it yet, here are all the links.  So far it's reached almost 9,000 people and it makes my heart happy to know that many were warned but also makes me sad because many of them shared with me the heartache and damage it also did to their families.  I'm still getting messages to this day how many it has hurt and affected.  Even more frustrating, the one common thing I'm hearing is this spirit behind it causes depression, anxiety, and even severe panic attacks!  Well, I'm sick and tired of satan (little "s") having a field day on my home so this is how I'm fighting back.  Exposing his LIES.

Another website picked up my story HERE.

Man, can I be honest?  One day my foster daughter walked in the room and said, "Ever since we left NAR movement, the house has just been sad."  She's right. It's like a cloud settled over our home.  A cloud of oppression.  We walk around the house, we pray, we declare righteousness, peace.  We rebuke satan when he tries to come back around and settle in. We fight in prayer every day, send curses back to hell that are spoken against us by well meaning Christians.  But it's just hard to shake.  With all of my heart I wish I had never, ever accepted the invitation to visit a bible study 45 minutes away.  1 year later and this is where we are.  Chaz and I really try and study The Word of God and we read books to help us understand. 

It is absolutely heartbreaking that deception is infiltrating the church on such a large scale. I fell for it and I'm discouraged I did but at the same time grateful God opened my eyes.  But why didn't I see it coming?  This kind of deception isn't just fooling people, it's HURTING PEOPLE'S faith.  That's NOT funny and it makes me upset.  What a scam SATAN is running.  His tricks are old but he tries them in different ways.

This is the time to WAKE UP.  People needing to see signs and wonders goes way, way, way back and is seen not only in Catholicism (idolatry), many other religions, but in Christianity with signs and wonders.  It's our way of once again having Jesus prove Himself but He already did!  I don't need evidence of angels around me to prove Jesus still does miracles.  I don't need gold dust blown through the vents of a church to know that He's real. I don't need my chakras open to understand that we are fighting a spiritual warfare.  

My son Chaz had his chakras opened and could SEE FROM HIS THIRD EYE.  This NAR deception is real, guys, and not to be messed with.  Chaz has since been delivered from this but it wasn't fun to see the stuff he saw through that. This DID NOT happen till the impartation was done by Nathan Morris at Fresh Start Church.  Do NOT ever attend an impartation or a fire line in any way for any reason.  

Why do so many people seek after signs and wonders?

It's exciting, right?  I remember Sumi (pastor of House Fire bible study turned church) being able to basically read into other people's lives.  If we're not careful, this is where we can fall into a trap.  Do you remember this story in the bible?

16One day as we were going down to the place of prayer, we met a slave girl who had a spirit that enabled her to tell the future. She earned a lot of money for her masters by telling fortunes. 17She followed Paul and the rest of us, shouting, “These men are servants of the Most High God, and they have come to tell you how to be saved.”
18This went on day after day until Paul got so exasperated that he turned and said to the demon within her, “I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her.” And instantly it left her.
19Her masters’ hopes of wealth were now shattered, so they grabbed Paul and Silas and dragged them before the authorities at the marketplace. -Acts 16:16-19

Just because someone can tell you a little about your past doesn't mean it's of God.  Satan can do this too.  What happens when someone is not only able to tell you your past but speak into your future?  What bad can possibly come of this?  A LOT.  Having a false spirit try to tell me my future can completely and totally lead me off the path God has for me.  The classic story about the fork in the road means I can be headed one way but, oops, this person told me I'm supposed to be going in this other direction.  Well, I'd better trust it because that was God speaking to me.  No, test the spirit!  Pray about it for awhile and seek God.  Ask Him to show you in other ways and confirm it in your heart.  Don't we tend to admire people that can suddenly hear from God at any moment and speak a word over you?  Yes.  That can make a regular bible study go from delving into God's word into seeking more signs and wonders.  To be honest, I was never asked to pick up my bible during those studies and there was VERY LITTLE bible study happening.  That, my friend, is a slippery slope.  Be CAREFUL.

Sunday, September 8, 2019

Depression After Deception-After Effects of NAR

Someone recently wrote me and asked how I don't have major depression after leaving the NAR movement.  Um, I have.  I just don't talk about it.  If it helps for people for me to give the REAL me and my struggle coming out of it then I'll share.

It's BAD.  There were days where I didn't want to get out of bed.  I've sobbed in my quiet space away from my kids.  I've screamed into my blanket so no one could hear.  Today at church I felt like a wet blanket.  I sat in the FRONT row, which is my favorite, so I could really just focus on worship time.  But I felt this gloom over me.  Like a dark cloud and I couldn't shake it.  I was painfully aware my kids were all around me and could see my face and the depression.  I hated that because I never want to bring my kids down into my negative world in that way.  My kids aren't my best buddies where I can unload on them.  They look to us for stability and assurance.  

Loss of friends:

I lost friends from the church I left.  The crazy thing about it is I never wanted to lose friends. To me, this was a true test if I was walking out of a cult.  From experience in my past, if you walk out of a church peacefully and your friends list on Facebook, Instagram, and in real life drop you, they were never friends in the first place.  Because I have been shunned in the past by over 300 people from walking away from a church building, I knew what the true test would be walking away from House Fire Ministries.  It's not that I was blocked (well, I am now but its good), I just didn't exist in their world anymore.  No one reached out to me to ask if I was okay.  No one offered to pray for me (save for one who did in the beginning before I left).  I didn't get a single phone call, text, no invites.  Nothing.  And this was after missing one Friday night bible study.  I hadn't even decided yet before being cut off.

Became an enemy:

I became an enemy the moment I questioned anything. I was to be quiet so as not to question "God's anointed." I needed a reason to stay and looked for one, anything, but I was met with half quoted scriptures out of context and a feeling of just being an annoyance.  It didn't matter that I had put tons of money and hours into helping build this church up from scratch.  The second I questioned things, I was the enemy.  Almost right away I was mocked about to friends, mocked on facebook , and rumors were spread.

Loss of so called Promises:

As I walked away from utter confusion, tons of questions unanswered, and a dream unfulfilled that I was "promised from prophesies," I realized I was sinking deeper and deeper into a depression.  Were all those prophesies nothing?  I was so excited about all the things I was told God wanted to do!  Was it God?  Was it man?  Was it the counterfeit holy spirit?  I felt so mocked and deceived.  Regardless of their deception, the finger points back at me because I walked into this unaware.

“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.”
1 John 4:1

False religions do not have this indwelling of the Holy Spirit taking place within their adherents. So what’s a Devil to do? Well, he’ll just do what he’s always done, and rather successfully at that: create some kind of counterfeit experience to mimic a real blessing given by God to true Christians.

How come when I was in the movement I saw prayers being answered personally?  I can answer that quickly.  My faith was majorly boosted and I began to pray and read my bible like never before.  I wrote a prayer journal to God daily and really, really HAD FAITH.  I was stepping out in boldness like never before and made a living fool out of myself because I was convinced that God would heal every person I laid hands on.  Well, Todd White made it look so easy.  

Do I believe in healing?  Yes, God has completely and totally healed not only my back but failing kidneys.  While in the NAR movement?  No.  God was answering my prayers (whether it was a yes or no) because I stepped out in faith and talked to Him.  

Loss of Time and Money:
Like I said in previous posts, I invested hours up hours, almost a thousand dollars, before the church even opened.  But you know, that was for God and it doesn't matter I lost those things.  I didn't do it for approval from the pastor and his wife.  I did it for Jesus.  I spent HOURS researching, buying programs, buying equipment I needed to have a functional children's church.  It was exhausting.  I know none of it was in vain, maybe to a wrong source, but God sees my heart.

Does depression happen after deception? After falling deep in something only to realize it's all wrong? A BIG FAT YES. While in worship this morning I was sitting in a dark cloud. My heart hurting like crazy. And then I looked around me and saw all these blessings of mine. All in different stages of their life. I felt a healing come over my broken heart as I saw my kids softness towards God.  I had my biological children, my foster children, and even my previous foster son who no longer lives with us but visits, and a friend who we're currently reaching out to help during a rough time.  In church I was literally surrounded by the people I love sooo much in my life.  It's like as I was looking around me God was showing me how in the midst of suffering, sometimes we don't see the blessing. This is all today.  I can't point out which ones are my biological and which ones are my fosters for legal reasons so I won't explain who is who. But just know that every kid who walks into my house has my heart and I see no difference.  They are ALL children of God and therefore mine to watch, love, and to care for.

Ryan doing production at church
Nathaniel during worship time
Adriana getting baptized 
Jay going up for prayer after sermon

Chaz sane and in his right mind after satan almost taking him out
I quietly drove home after church with the kids in our 15 passenger van.  I hoped no one would ask questions as to why I was so quiet.  I was so tired of saying, "no, nothings wrong."  Once we got home and unloaded the van, I quickly began to get lunch ready for my 13 hungry kiddos.  My previous foster son who visits me on the weekends walked up to me in the hallway.  He said, "Jenny, I just want you to know that I'm depressed."  I asked him why.  He said he was mad at God for all the things he went through.  Why is he in foster care?  Why couldn't God have stopped that from happening? I got quiet while contemplating how I was going to reply to him.  I said, "You know, I'm not able to feel how you felt when DCS came to remove you from your mom.  I'll never understand that pain.  But I do know there is a lot of suffering in this world and it's everywhere.  Some have gone through unimaginable pain in their lifetime and some like me are mad at God because I fell into a false religion."  I told him I could either choose to see what God didn't save me from, or I could see who God sent to me while in my pain.  I saw that today when I looked at each of my kids raising their hands in worship to God, to my daughter getting baptized, to watching my son serve in production, and seeing friends I brought to church reach out to respond to God.  I could see that God showed me a way out of my cloud of confusion.  I looked at this sweet boy in front of me and reminded him of the story of the days of abuse and isolation with no one to help, his mama cried out to God and asked for a way out of the abuse and God made a way.  I gently reminded him how many people stepped up to take care of him, feed him, clothe him, loved him and kept him from danger while being separated from his family.  We can either see the pain and only the pain, or we can look thankfully through our tears and lift our voice to God thanking Him for walking us through it without having to be alone.  He hugged me close and thanked me for never, ever walking away from him and always loving him through the good and bad.  

I thought about that for awhile.  He just spoke to my heart in so many ways.  God doesn't promise us a pain free life.  People are fallible.  When he was telling me thank you for loving him even when he was incredibly difficult at times, I thought about how God has loved me through my bad decisions, my complaining, my anger directed at Him.  How many times He warned me in my heart and I felt the prompting but didn't listen.  He did warn me.  And especially through His word.  Why was I chasing signs and wonders if I'm told I'm to have faith?  Lesson learned and what a hard lesson it was. 

I thank you, Jesus, for walking me through this difficult time and never leaving my side.  You never walked away from me, It was you I walked away from.  You even warned me not to detour and take that path and I didn't listen.  Still, You love me.  Thank you.

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

My Experience Waking Up From The New Apostolic Reformation Movement (Quick Links)

Here are the quick links to mine and my family's story getting free from the new false movement that is catching on around the world.  I am posting about it to warn others.  I pray you read this knowing it does not come from accusation but wanting others to see the signs before falling into it as easily as I did.

  • My Uneasy Experience at House Fire Ministries- Part 1

  • What Happened After We Left House Fire Ministries? Part 2

  • How the New Apostolic Reformation Movement Affected My Son- Part 3

  • How The NAR Movement Almost Killed My Son- Part 4

  • From Impartation to a Psychiatric Nightmare- Part 5

  • Waking Up From Deception of NAR - Part 6

  • How I got blinded by NAR- Part 7

  • Why Do Christians Still Seek Signs and Wonders? Click HERE

The New Apostolic Reformation, or NAR, is an unbiblical religious movement that emphasizes experience over Scripture, mysticism over doctrine, and modern-day “apostles” over the plain text of the Bible. Of particular distinction in the New Apostolic Reformation are the role and power of spiritual leaders and miracle-workers, the reception of “new” revelations from God, an over-emphasis on spiritual warfare, and a pursuit of cultural and political control in society. The seeking of signs and wonders in the NAR is always accompanied by blatantly false doctrine.

How I Got Blinded By NAR -Part 7

I watched this today and wanted to cry....

If...and a BIG IF, his repentance is real, can you imagine what could come of this?  Since watching the video I've heard so many comments of doubts, anger, and conditions given to prove real repentance from Benny Hinn.  

What does the bible say?

Matthew 7:15-20 New King James Version (NKJV)

You Will Know Them by Their Fruits

15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

Let's say just for a minute his confession and repentance of being a prosperity pastor is genuine.  My first reaction when I saw this was PRAISE GOD!  Isn't that what's most important?  Am I writing this blog to just slander and smear a name?  NO.  Am I writing this blog to warn others from falling into the same trap I did?  To warn what price will be paid if you fall like I did?  YES.  My heart is completely and 100% to expose the lies of satan (he deserves a little "s") and wickedness that us Christians are falling for.  Is Benny Hinn genuinely repentant?  With all of my heart I hope so.

Often times the ones that have woken up from this daze are called slanderers because we are warning others.  Don't go off track.  Just keep going and help others get out.  People's faith are seriously getting hurt after realizing what happened to them.  We need to be there to encourage and remind them that God's promises are still true and yes, people abuse others in churches.  Yes, people will twist scripture.  There will always be wolves hiding amongst sheep.  Some don't even realize they're doing it because they're deceived themselves.  I get talked about, posted about, mocked, slandered.  I'm called a slanderer but my purpose is to warn, not hurt the body of Christ.  Now that I've been saved from it, I need to speak out.

I'll tell you what my mindset started to be in the NAR movement.  I was constantly given promises of wealth, fame, and that everything was gonna be BIG and my work will be noticed.  I'm almost embarrassed to share with you the "promises" satan was giving me.  Sigh.  I had QUITE a few but here are two. 




What's the problem?  Those aren't so bad, right?  Well, it sounded amazing to me.  Most of it sounds good except I felt like things were inserted into it without me even noticing.  Number one, I didn't want to just babysit kids.  I wanted to teach them, have kids praise and worship.  It's important to raise kids in Christ and let's face it, some kids only hear about it at church. So, this was a big deal to me. Second of all, I thought it was great that kids were gonna outnumber the adults.  I was a tad worried because I was already worked to death as it was but, hey, kids are our future.  Until I saw that sneaky little part added in about FAME and large crowds.  Hmmmm, that's a classic prosperity gospel teaching.  In fact, Benny Hinn once said God can't move if there are not big crowds.  I beg to differ. 

Discernment isn't knowing the difference between right and wrong.  It's knowing the difference between right and almost right.  That my friend, is how I got duped.

Have you ever watched the scene in Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief?  The whole entrapment of NAR can be illustrated in this one scene.  I apologize in advance of the immodesty in parts to the clip.

Whoa, right?  This is how I felt.  I was drawn in by the prophesies, impartations, constant promises of wealth (yes, I heard that a lot too), fame, and nonstop positivity.  Each week I couldn't wait till the next meeting.  I almost felt like I was in a trance and was obsessed with hearing from God.  I couldn't think about anything else except I wanted to be just like the others and give prophesy after prophesy like I was handing out candy.  Everyone had their hands out, so to speak, but I felt I had nothing to give and it made me feel a tad useless.  But I wanted to aim to get there like all the other ladies.  Imagine standing in a circle of men and women and they unload all the amazing prophesies on you.  None of them are warnings (rarely at least) and all about how wealth or AMAZING things are coming.  Man, I didn't want to do anything else.  In fact, I would go home, look at my house and pray for something bigger and better.  I wanted to be blessed too.  

One of the key things I noticed when my eyes were opened, once I left, was coming home and realizing that I was okay with what I had.  I THANKED God for my home, my vehicles that get me from A to B, and for my healthy children. I even told God that if He never gave me another home I would be content.  Yes, we're a bit squished in a 5 bedroom home with 13 kids but we fit!  I'm so thankful!  I had such a peace in my heart that God is gonna take care of us and being blessed is not always about have bigger and better.  I thank Jesus every day for only being in that movement for 6 months.  I could have eaten the lotus flower for 6 years but He answered my prayer when I asked Him to open my eyes.

If you can, read this amazing story about a women who was set free from the Word of Faith, which is also called NAR, movement.  A couple quotes that stood out was:

"his church decided to start a "School of Prophets" to hone in and perfect the prophetic giftings. It was well intentioned, but misguided and utter lunacy as I look back now. We were all obviously hearing something and being VERY accurate at times, but it was not God."


"Those from my church were all very kind, sincere, hardworking individuals, but all terribly deceived, as was I. If anyone ever contradicted leadership you were" being used by the enemy.” Things said were twisted to their convenience. We were always taught to "NEVER, ever TOUCH God's anointed," so to speak negatively for any reason was unheard of. You simply kept smiling and loving."

This is exactly what I was told when I had sincere questions and was asking for help from the House Fire Ministries leaders.  I was told not to question and definitely wasn't allowed to say my thoughts on it without scoffs.  Then comments on Facebook would soon follow.  It's okay to walk away from something that isn't biblical and if you encouraged that many more people are waking up.  Most importantly is I pray for repentance because their soul is priceless.

You can read more NAR stories HERE.

Here is an excellent video that shows some of the false teachings that have been around for awhile.
False Teachers Exposed

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Waking Up From Deception of NAR - Part 6

I wrote this on Facebook April 11, 2019.  That was the week I had quit House Fire Ministries and was waking up from the deceptive sleep I was in.  Little did I know what battles we were about to face in the months to come.  Not only did I wake up, I was going to see the damage done to my family but especially to my son....

Original Facebook post here
"I've had a hard time writing this because I'm unsure if I need to outright show some false teaching I fell into with names or just give a warning as to what to watch out for. So I'll start out with some warnings about a previous revival that was very damaging to many churches back in the 90's. Churches I knew at that time got involved with the Brownsville revival. At first glance it was pretty awesome. People in church were falling all over the place, laughing for up to an hour, or slain in the spirit for an hour or longer. Some even barking like dogs or slithering like snakes in other churches involved in US. I went to a revival like this in Phoenix and in Chandler but it originated in Pensacola, Florida. However, it was later learned that this was a counterfeit of the Holy Spirit. Unless renounced, it brought many problems thereafter. I still see the damage from it 20 years later. Once someone I knew renounced his involvement with that revival, he was instantly healed from a sickness.

Fast forward to now. I recently heard of a revival coming from Nathan Morris and Lydia S. Marrow in Peoria, Az. I was excited. I didn't know anything about them but wanted to check it out. When I got to the church I thought it was interesting that people ran for their seats. That was kind of exciting because I figured people must be excited for God. Wow! The sermon was pretty awesome but looking back I realize now that I've gotten caught up in some preachers that more throw out slogans than read straight from the bible. Slogans sound good but the problem is it can be taken as biblical truth. 

My pastor at New Heights reads a text from the scripture, talks about it, more text from the scripture, talks about it. All the way down till end of sermon. So we have to be careful about we learn in context.

Drunk in the Spirit with Nathan Morris

During the sermon there were a few times that Nathan Morris was so "drunk in the spirit" that he could hardly stand up or preach. After the sermon, he had us go through a Fire Line (impartation line). This is where he stands up on a chair and 2 lines are formed. Our lines would walk underneath him and as we passed he would lay his hands on us. He usually wouldn't say anything but would blow on us or just put his hand on our head. My husband said as he went under, he felt a strong wind go straight up into his nose and mouth. I went back to the video later and saw that the pastor had barely did a quick blowing on the top of his head. Nothing more. 

About 90% of the church fell and had to be carried off and laid somewhere. At first glance, it seemed awesome. His reason for doing this is because he wanted to do an impartation onto everyone. I decided to look into who Nathan Morris is and discovered that he was saved out of the Brownsville revival and is continuing it but under a different name. It's now called the Bay Revival. I didn't believe it at first but I posted the picture for you to see.

Fast forward even more, my family began to experience some things in our personal life and it was baffling. Were we being attacked because we're doing something right? Or are we being attacked because we got ourselves involved in something that wasn't right? I decided to do some study work into some of my favorite preachers. The more I looked into the teachings, the more I became shocked. 

Next was the music I was listening to that was labeled as Praise and Worship. I probably should give a list into some names I discovered but I won't say why and will let you do your own study work if you decide to look into it on your own. Lets just say I dumped my entire 117 song Youtube playlist of Christian songs and I'm building it up by scratch. I hope this post doesn't come as a judging post but more as a warning out of love. Since we have discovered these things, we have lived in freedom but at a price of almost (now completely gone) losing friendships. But I've learned to be a God pleaser, not a man pleaser. 

Heidi and Rolland Baker ministering In bizarre "new" ways at Bethal

Preachers I have been studying that led me into some things that weren't right doctrine:

Kenneth Copeland-
Todd White
Steven Furtick 
Nathan Morris
Lydia S Marrow
John Kilpatrick
Bill Johnson
Brian Houston
Todd Bentley
Rick Warren
Joseph Prince
Steve Hill

Rick JoynerBenny Hinn- 
Heidi Baker
Rolland Baker
Joel Osteen
TD Jakes
Carl Lentz
Naked Cowboy event at Hillsong church

and more... 
Because they believe themselves to be modern-day apostles and prophets, they place heavy emphasis on extra-biblical “revelation”. The Apostle Paul, in 1 Corinthians 4:6, said “…so that you may learn from us not to go beyond what is written, so that none of you will become arrogant and boast in favor of one against the other”. The Word of God has been written, and the canon is closed.

Music I studied and discovered wrong doctrine in the lyrics:

Bethel Worship
Hillsong Worship
Lauren Daigle
Toby Mac
Elevation Worship (with Steven Furtick)
Jesus Culture (part of Hillsong church)
and soooo many more but still studying.

Yes, I know who I'm singing to. Personally. But some of the lyrics are downright wrong in doctrine or never mentions Holy Spirit, God, or Jesus. The last part didn't bother me as much until I discovered the church behind the band and their beliefs.

I don't write this out of anger or revenge. Especially not to hurt anyone. It took me awhile to write this because I was worried it'd be taken wrong and judgmental. But I want to warn out of love for my fellow Christians. Be careful in these times because there is a lot of counterfeit revivals going around with "signs and wonders", which will be a separate post I'll be doing."

(End of Facebook post)

Very good article about Bethel church and Jesus Culture HERE

"With any story of apostasy, we would do well to remember the Spirit's instruction in Philippians 2:12-13, where the Apostle Paul wrote, "Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

Excellent video below about common phrases and scriptures misused by people in NAR or Word of Faith movement.

Words taken from the website Deception in the Church:
I have seen, especially of late, "words of knowledge" and "prophetic" messages to the church getting way out of hand. Some Christians mistake human intuition and even demonic voices, whether actually correct or incorrect, for the "still small voice" of the Spirit. Sometimes people are "proclaiming", "declaring" and "speaking things into being" so loudly it becomes almost impossible for them to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit anymore. It is a dangerous thing to promote what you are saying as a direct word from God.

I asked myself often, "Can't Satan also say things about my past and whisper in the ears of those deceived?"  When someone tells you your past, it makes you more susceptible to believe what they say about your future, right?  And sometimes they give a GREAT word that's so positive and amazing!  Things I heard often was prosperity (lots of money coming), fame (this was promised to me a lot for some reason), and greatness (you're gonna go into all the world and even write a book!  Everyone will seek you out).  Everything was beautiful, amazing, wonderful.  I got so caught up in all these promises and "what was coming" that I couldn't hardly focus on today, my own personal issues that needed to be dealt with, or sin in my life.  I just wanted my promises and I wanted them now.  

Then I woke up.....

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